Finding yourself – your TRUE, AUTHENTIC self – is an exercise in patience. More so than raising kids, more so than waiting at the four-minute red light that you swear you are going to write the county about. And, more so even, than waiting until next week for the next episode of your favorite show.
WHY? Because finding yourself doesn’t have a deadline. Trust me! I’ve given it one, and it pushes the envelope every time. I constantly hear the words in my head, “You will find yourself when you’re good and ready.”
Of course, I always argue with myself that I AM ready… was BORN ready to step into my true power, my calling, that thing which I was put on earth to do. Except if I was, I would already be there, wouldn’t I? So I must still have a thing or two more to learn before I’m ready for the next step.
Maybe it’s about being comfortable with coming 100% from my soul. Talking the way that I REALLY talk… You know, when the kids aren’t around, good friends are, and there’s wine. Did I mention I was a sailor early in my career?
So, I have to question why I have censored so much that has come out of my mouth. And, then it came to me.
No joke! I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve typed a curse word into one of my statuses over the years, but then deleted it because I thought it might upset one of my aunts. Again… no joke! WTF?! Yep… even change that to WTH to soften the blow in a recent Facebook post. Seriously?!?! Just reading this makes me want to slap the back of my own head to wake me up.
Don’t get me wrong. I realize many people aren’t free-cursing personalities, and they don’t feel drawn to throw out an F-bomb to get the passion and depth of the story across. I love you dearly if that’s you. That’s just not me. I say Fuck. Especially when there’s wine. Just ask my Mom, who seems to still love me, even though I curse.
Let me be very clear… saying Fuck does not make me less spiritual or religious or nice or happy or loving. It just means I like to use stronger words to build the passion I feel into my story. My REAL story… the one I’ve filtered from you for so long, that you probably have no idea about, or only really know because I had a moment of weakness where I let my real self out.
I promise, I’m not here to become an F-bomber, and all of my posts won’t tell you why you should Fuck the Fuck of the Fucking Fuck. THAT isn’t me. But I will promise you this: from now on, I will give you my true story, exactly as it flows from my big fat lips (which I think are kinda sexy, by the way).
Because, we are friends. And, because I finally found myself AND my voice, and I hope doing so will open the path just a little wider for you to do the same.